Humor & Stuff

You know you're a dog person when...

You have more dog beds, chew toys, collars, leashes, harnesses, and dog crates than you have dogs.

You meet other people with dogs, and remember their dog's call name after 30 seconds, but don't get the owner/handler's name until you've met them 2 or 3 times.

You don't think twice about trading licks of an ice cream cone with your dog.

Your parents give up on grandchildren and start to refer to your dogs as "your kids" or your children." (Bonus: they start to call them "our granddogs.")

90 percent of your Internet connection time goes to the dogs (seeing what's new when you enter your breed into the browser, reading up on multiple lists, checking out photos, sounds and FAQs, etc.).

You have hundreds of pictures of your dogs on your desk at work, in your wallet, etc., but none of your family or yourself.

No one wants to ride in your car because they know they'll get dog hair on their clothes.

You reach into your pockets for change, and liver treats, dog kibble, and pick-up bags fall all over. (Bonus: You've done this in a classy establishment.)

You've had long meaningful discussions with your friends on the best way to trim your dog's nails, but have never had a manicure or pedicure in your lifetime.

Books and movies are ruined for you if the dog references are incorrect.

The highlight of your day is spending time with your dog.

You watch simply awful movies because your breed is either featured in a cameo scene or there's a 3-second camera shot during a crowd scene.

All of your clothes have dog hair on them, even when they come back from the laundromat or dry cleaners.

The only thing your friends, colleagues, and passing acquaintances say to you when they see you is, "How are the dogs?" or "How many dogs do you have now?"

Your photo Christmas cards feature your dogs (humans optional).

Doggie at the Movies...

I went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind of film, you know the type. In the sad part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the film. After the film had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man. "That's the most amazing thing I've seen," I said. "That dog really seemed to enjoy the film." The man turned to me and said, "Yeah, it is. He hated the book."

Does Your Dog Own You?...

See how many of these statements apply to you and your dog.

You believe every dog is a lap dog.

If you are cold, you put a sweater on your dog.

You have a picture of your dog in your wallet, but not one of your kids.

You often claim that it was love at first sight with you and your dog.

You have your dog talk to your friends on the phone.

You can't fully enjoy yourself without your dog.

No matter how large your bed is, it is not large enough for you and your dog(s).

You spend more on clothes and food for your dog than you do for yourself.

You have no reservations about kissing your dog on the lips, even when you know where his lips have been.

You believe it is your duty to talk to, pat, and even feed every dog in the neighborhood. You know their names.

You let the neighbor dog sleep over.

You believe there is no such thing as a naughty dog.

Your vet and grooming bills exceed your rent.

When you need someone to talk to, your dog is your first choice.

You sit on the floor if the dog got in the chair first.

You talk to your dog when you are driving. He answers.

Your dog taught you to fetch and roll over.